TV: THE PARTS WE CARED ABOUT DURING SUPER BOWL 2015

Why didn’t Wilson run the ball and Tom Brady blah blah blah and whatever here are the parts of the Super Bowl we took with us after the chicken wing bones were cleared and the last of the beer was brought in from the outside freezer that moonlights as your back porch in non-winter months.

Best thing you didn’t know was coming

We’ve seen these clever Snickers ads for a few years now, so when this one started we were delighted to see the leaders of the Brady gang, but knew where it was going. And then Steve Buscemi blew our minds as a low blood sugared Jan.

Best menses-related commercial of all time

The days of spilling blue liquid onto computer-simulated cotton are over. Always has tapped into the vulnerability of being a girl on the verge of adulthood in their #likeagirl campaign, making it the most Tweeted Super Bowl ad last night.

Best two-for-one

We’re not in the mood to research this enough to prove it, but this may be the first time an ad primarily featured a product that wasn’t paying for the ad. The moment the old man opens his pill bottle to reveal the (extremely) mobile blue pill, your mind immediately thought, “Viagra.” And then continued to think, “Viagra Viagra Viagra” as the pill bounced its way around an Italian city. It wasn’t until the very end that we realize the pill has, ahem, enlarged a Fiat, and that this is a car commercial and not the weirdest way to remind us that octogenarians like to engage in coitus too.

Best weirdos selling something you might need one day

Looking, as our Creative Director eloquently put, like they were found in a Tampa casino, a group of adult weirdos dance around and adhere things to other things to sell us Loctite Glue. Two thumbs up.

Best example of ‘going country’

Celebrated American Nick Offerman taps into his Ron Swanson spirit to sell us age18-55 educated coastal liberals on NASCAR. And oh how we laughed into our brie and chardonnay.